Seeking Johnny
by mickeysweets14
Summary: What if Ponyboy might be blind? Takes place in modern times
1. Chapter 1

**PPOV**

There I am, in the dark, dismal graveyard, among my beloved dead ones, among the beloved ones of others…of strangers. The dead, crisp grass. The only sense of color was the vibrant array of colors in the flowers above a stranger's casket in the distance. Thousands of gravestones going on for eternity, but only one stuck out. As I felt my heart pounding to the point that it felt like it could explode at any moment. It was him…it was Johnny. He was standing right there next to his tombstone, as gentle and peaceful as ever. He was pale, though, like all life's color had been drained out of him. He was just standing there examining me with a smile on his face.

The tears were running violently down my cheek. I missed Johnny; it was only yesterday that my mother was opening the door to the 2nd grade Johnny coming home from school. Now look at him, lifeless to the side of his own tombstone. Was there any true reason why Johnny had to die? What was the reason behind that? There was none. Ever since Johnny died the gang has been falling apart. Stevie won't talk to Soda anymore, and when they do talk to each other, all they do is fight. T-bone has been arguing with Darry. I've been dreaming about Johnny every single night since he passed away. Darry even brought me to a sociologist because I would wake up crying. That's when I lost it!

"Why'd you have to die Johnny? Why?" I yelled.

I waited for an answer…

"ANSWER ME!!!" I screamed again.

"I had to. You ask why. It's the same reason that you wake up in the morning, the same reason that you go to bed. You have to, because you have no choice." Johnny said.

His voice was as angelic as ever.

"I'm sorry Johnny, I'm sorry." I said

"Why?" Johnny asked.

Every time Johnny spoke I got a great pain in my gut.

"It's all my fault, you died cause of me."

"It's not your fault, Pony Boy. It just happened."

"You dying just didn't happen…, I should have protected you."

"You did Pony boy, you did."

"No I didn't."

"Yes you did. Every time someone would give me trouble, you would beat the crap out of them. Every time I got kicked out, you were there to comfort me."

"How are you?"

"How am I? My best friend just died, the gang is so close to splitting up, my life is like a living hell!"

"What's it like?"

"I don't know how to explain it."

"I have to go"

"Johnny, what do you mean you have to go?"

"I just do, Bye Pony Boy."

But before I got to say goodbye that's when Johnny vanished.

**Thanks for reading! Is it worth continuing? Review if you think I should. ~Melina**


	2. Chapter 2

**(PPOV)**

That's when I woke up. The tears were rolling down my face like the way rain runs down a window. Why did I keep having these nightmares? Was there something wrong with me? There must be. I know people grieve and all, but not like this, at least no one I've seen.

I stayed up most of that night lying in my bed, sobbing, thinking about the last time I saw Johnny. The day that the rumble took place, and I was bleeding form the head something awful. The day that Johnny lay there and spoke his last words. The day that his mother stared us down because she think her wrongs are minor compared to hers. Who would let a poor kid like Johnny get beaten by his own father, and just watch it and not say a word?

I watched the clock's minute hand move slowly toward the sixty second mark. It seemed like forever. I didn't want to go back to sleep because I disliked having nightmares about Johnny. I would say I was afraid to fall asleep, but Greasers are never scared. They spit on the word scared.

As soon as I went to roll over I heard a common voice at the door. It was Soda.

"Hey Pony boy, what you doing awake?"

"I couldn't sleep."

"You had another dream about Johnny, Didn't ya?

"Yay, but don't tell Darry."

"I may be a thief, but I don't rat no one out."

"Soda…I love you."

"I love ya too, Pony boy."

"Well, I'm going back to bed, Pony boy."

"Okay."

After a while of sitting there I got bored. So, I took out a book. I got up to page one hundred and twenty-seven before I could smell the aroma of Darry's strawberry pancakes. As I went to get up to eat breakfast, I blacked out. I sat up in bed for a few seconds waiting for it to pass. "Don't panic Pony boy, you just moved too fast." I said to myself. As I heard the clock ticking away, I started to lose it. It had already been two minutes. What if I'm going blind? That's it.

"DARRY!"

I heard his loud footsteps as he ran into my room.

"What Pony boy? What's wrong?"

"I can't see."

Any other day Darry would be asking me if I'm just trying to get out of school, but I could tell that he could hear the panic in my voice.

"Okay, what happened?"

"I went to get breakfast, and when I went to sit up, I blacked out."

"Darry, what if I'm going blind?"

"I doubt you're going blind Pony boy, but I'll bring you to the doctors just to make sure."

"Okay, I'll get dressed."

After I got dressed, Darry had to help me get to the car. As Darry drove, I was picturing the way, because what else you can do when you can't see. Darry and I just entered the parking lot. As the engine squealed to a stop, all of Soda's papers fell on top of me. This was embarrassing, almost a full grown Greaser, and my brother had to help me get around.

We sat in the waiting room for about twenty minutes before they called my name. As Darry helped me down the hall, I tried not to trip. I sat on the examination table for about ten minutes till the doctor came in. He did the normal check-up. Then he asked Darry what was wrong.

"He can't see. He went to get up this morning and he blacked out."

"Ohh, I see…"

**Thanks for reading. Review or pm. ~Melina**


	3. Chapter 3

**(PPOV)**

The doctor was quiet for what felt like five minutes before Darry started to speak.

"See what?"

"Oh! Sorry, I spaced out for a moment."

"You're a doctor for heaven's sake!"

"I'm still a human."

"Why can't he see?"

The doctor ignored Darry's question.

"Ponyboy, how many hours do you sleep a night on average?"

"Um…I sleep about two hours a night."

"Well…that's just it son, you're eyes are tired. You only sleep about two hours a night and then expect your eyes to function normally. Go home, get some sleep. I want you to go to bed at least by seven for the next week or so. By then, your eyes should be back to normal. You should have your sight back, any other questions?"

I thought about the nightmares, but I didn't want to sound like a lunatic either. So I just nodded my head no, had Darry help me off the table, and we left. As we were walking down the hallway, I heard the doctor shout, "Hope you get your sight back!" That was really reassuring. Darry helped me into the car and we drove home. As soon as we got there, he grabbed me by the shoulder, and told me to go take a nap.

I shook my head yes, and went into my room. Although I wanted to see again, I was afraid about dreaming about Johnny again. I wanted to keep Johnny's memory alive, but not to the point that he's been haunting me. I lay there in bed, my face to the ceiling again. Although I could not see the ceiling through my eyes, I had mesmerized my whole room in my mind. I finally drifted to sleep after an hour of looking at my imaginary ceiling. That's when it started…

I was sitting down in a soft chair, the world around me black. The floor as cold as ice cream. As I opened my eyes, the world slowly filled with color. Suddenly I recognized this seen, it seemed all too familiar. It was a hospital. Numerous people walked by, but when I spoke a single "Where am I?", no one could hear me. I tried patting a young man on the shoulder, but he ignored my touch. So I figured I would walk down the hallway, since my dream brought me here. Then my body jolted to a stop. I looked around me, and then I saw the specific room number. There were a mass of young boys standing near a young man's bedside. As I saw this… tears ran down my face, my heart skipped a beat, and I felt as if life could end right there. It was us. It was our gang by Johnny's bedside, just before…I ran. I ran to his bedside, tears and all. I knelt by his fragile body, and I started to scream.

"Don't do it Johnny! Don't go! You can't! I can't survive without you! I already know what happens, please don't let it happen. We're buddies Johnny, we're ….

**Thanks a lot! ~Melina **


	4. Chapter 4

**(PPOV)**

"…we're brothers! Johnny, please don't go! You have no idea how much it hurts me! Why do you have to haunt me Johnny? Why?!"

I knelt there just crying in my dream. Crying over someone I could never get back, no matter how much I tried. I continued to stay in that position for a while, just looking at the gang. I spent a lot of time just examining Johnny. He looked kinda happy. I examined there faces again; that is till I felt a hand on my shoulder. I quickly turned to see who it was. It was Johnny.

"Hello Ponyboy."

"Johnny?"

I didn't know what to say.

"I heard you. I know we're buddies. See…you think it's me that is making you have these nightmares; when really…it's you. You need to learn how to let go. I wasn't your only friend Ponyboy. You have your brothers. They really care about you Ponyboy."

"I know they do, Johnny. I want to let go of you, but I can't."

"Why?"

"I just can't. Its like trying to take away a child's blanket. You were the only person I could talk to. You understood everything."

"Maybe if you give Darry and Soda pop a chance maybe they can help you."

"You know what Darry is like. He…He's more like a mom, than a brother. Soda pop and I are pretty close, but he has the attention span of a first grader. Face it Johnny, they wouldn't get it."

"Then maybe you should go to a psychologist. Just give it a try. You can always not go if you don't like it."

"Well Pony boy, I…."

I woke up. I stared at the ceiling. It was kinda dark out. I went into the kitchen, opened the fridge and got an orange soda. I went into Darry's room only to find him drooling on his pillow. No wonder his hair is wet in the morning…

Wait a minute…I can see…but the doctor said a week…?

I woke up…that was cheap. A dream inside of a dream. I opened my eyes. Nothing…a black abyss. Darry came in…

"Are you awake, Ponyboy?"

"Yeah, I'm awake."

"Do you want supper?"

"What is it?"

"It's Macaroni and cheese."

"Sure."

"Did you dream about Johnny?"

"Yeah, I did."

"I didn't hear you crying or screaming."

"It was kind of good."

"Well…that's good."

"You know that Psychologist you wanted me to go to?"

"Yeah?"

"I'll go."

"Good."

"Ponyboy, what happened in this dream?"

"Well…"

**Hope you enjoyed it. Review if you'd like. Thanks a bunch! ~Melina**


	5. Chapter 5

**(PPOV)**

I explained the whole dream to Darry. His response was one word "Wow."

"What do you mean 'wow'?"

"It was sort a scary, the way you described it"

"It was kinda scary."

"I gotta go make supper."

"Okay."

Darry made spaghetti and meatballs. The good thing about Darry's food is that it's mostly homemade. He made the meatballs and sauce this morning. It was really good.

I have to go to the psychologist tomorrow. I'm afraid he might think I'm psycho or something. How do you do that? Just tell a complete stranger about your problems?

I slept through the week without any nightmares. I went to bed and awoke the next morning with my ankle hurting like hell. I figured it was just growing pains. I brushed my teeth, got dressed, and ate breakfast. It took me till mid-breakfast to realize I had finally got my sight back. I jumped up and down for a couple of minutes and then sat down to finish eating. Darry and Sodapop asked what had happened and they were excited to hear the good news. Although I enjoyed seeing again, I missed being blind. It was like a whole new world for me. I finished eating and got in the car. I put the visor down because the sun had just begun to rise and it was mad bright. Darry came into the car dressed like a business man, because he wanted to look like a responsible adult. The secretary told Darry to let me dress as I wish because it may affect some stuff.

We pulled in the parking lot at ten o'clock and headed into the building. You'd think that a psychologist's office would be creative to calm you; but this one was kinda dreary.

We waited there for about twenty minutes before they called us in.

The guy seemed pretty nice. He wore casual clothes; too casual for my taste.

We sat in these circular chairs. It was pretty ironic actually. See, the whole place was a dull brick building except for his room. It was like the total opposite. There were many paintings and posters on the walls. Some even had quotes on them. He had board games, crayons, markers, game boys, and even a Wii. It was awesome. I played the Wii once over Charlie Sullivan's house. He was a pretty cool kid. I got assigned to him as a partner for a demonstrative project. He did all the work of course.

We sat there for about a minute examining each other. The he spoke…

"Hello, Ponyboy, my name is Mr. Sampson. How are you today?"

"I'm okay."

"Why are you here?"

"Oh nothing."

Darry stepped in.

"What do you mean nothing? Tell him the truth Ponyboy."

"Mr. Curtis, I would greatly appreciate it if you would wait outside in the waiting room."

"Fine."

That psychologist had guts. No one usually said a smart a** remark like that and got away without a black eye.

"So, Ponyboy, you had to come here for a reason."

"I have nightmares. Really bad ones; I wake up in the middle of the night screaming and crying.

I then explained Johnny's death and everything that followed, especially my dreams. He said that he'd go over his notes and talk to me about them next week. Darry and I then left the building. I had to explain the whole thing to Darry because he wanted to know the verdict. Then Darry complained about how Mr. Sampson wouldn't let him stay in the room.

As Darry was just about to turn onto Maple Street, a red car came at us. It was a sports car that was speeding. Darry tried to swerve out of the way, but…

**Thanks for reading. Who do you think gets hurt? Pm me your answers…review. xoxo ~Melina**


	6. Chapter 6

**(PPOV)**

As Darry was just about to turn onto Maple Street, a red car came at us. It was a sports car that was speeding. Darry tried to swerve out of the way, but the car hit us. After that it all went black…

I awoke lying in a sea of glass. My whole body ached in pain. I examined my body only to find that I had a gash on my head, a broken arm, and my neck hurting like hell. I soon realized that Darry wasn't near me. As I looked to my left, all I could see was a puddle of blood. I tried to get up, but couldn't. So I dragged my mangled body around the back of the car only to find my heart ripped in two. His eyes closed, I dragged my body even further. I needed to know if he was still alive, I needed him. He couldn't leave me like Johnny did. I loved him more than any brother could. My broken heart racing, as I searched for even an ounce of hope. My body trembling from fear. I searched for a pulse…nothing, and then the slightest beat. I gathered up all my fear and screamed as loud as I could.

"**HELP!, SOMEONE HELP ME!"**

A young man came out of his house a few houses down. He saw the accident and ran.

"I'll call an ambulance" he said frantically.

"Tell them to hurry" I screamed!

"Are you ok?" he asked.

"Do I look ok? Help my brother, I think he's…dying."

"Omg…"

"What?"

"There's a lot of blood!" he yelled in disgust

"Stop being a pussy and HELP HIM!"

The ambulance arrived about three seconds later. I screamed for them to help my brother. They said they would try their best, but I said that wasn't good enough. They had no clue how much he meant to me….how much Sodapop meant to me. I loved him. Next, I asked them where my other brother was, because I was so shocked when I found Sodapop that I forgot about Darry. I waited for an answer, but got nothing. Then…

"He's in the driver's seat. He's unconscious." The paramedics said.

"Is he okay?" I asked frantically.

"He'll be fine. He just has a few bruises and a cut on his leg."

"How's Sodapop?" I asked on edge

"We're checking him out right now. He's in really bad condition. We will try our best".

I was getting really sick of them saying that. I watched as they carried Sodapop into the ambulance. Then the paramedics told me that Darry and I had to go to. So they helped me up, and they sat me on one of the benches, and I watched as they carried Darry too. He was beginning to wake up. They laid him down on a bench. As the doors closed, I watched the rest of the paramedics pull a yellow tarp over the red sports car.

"What happened to the driver of the sports car?" I asked

"He didn't make it." Answered one of the paramedic.

We rode in the ambulance to Mercy Hospital. Sodapop went into the ER, and Darry and I were seen by numerous doctors, before being admitted into the hospital. They put Darry and I in the same room. Darry had woken up. He asked how I was, and I said ok. Then he demanded to talk to a doctor.

"Hello , my name is Dr. Hardy."

"How is Sodapop?" he asked

"Well, I have some bad news…"

**Hey guys! Sorry I haven't been able to write lately. I've been really buisy. Hope you guys really liked the update. Here's a cliffhanger as usual. If you want an inside scoop, pm me. I'll give u a hint on wat happens in the next chapter. I also need your help. See my profile for more info. Please help? Thanks. Xoxo~ Melina**


	7. Chapter 7

**(PPOV)**

We rode in the ambulance to Mercy Hospital. Sodapop went into the ER, and Darry and I were seen by numerous doctors, before being admitted into the hospital. They put Darry and I in the same room. Darry had woken up. He asked how I was, and I said ok. Then he demanded to talk to a doctor.

"Hello, my name is Dr. Hardy."

"How is Sodapop?" he asked

"Well, I have some bad news…" said the doctor seriously with a deep frown on his face.

Darry and I both looked at him the way two brothers who had just hit their brother would.

"He has serious head injuries. We stopped the bleeding from the cerebrum, but he's still unconscious. Its hard to tell at this point how much damage has been done, but we will inform you of his progress. Both of you need to…"

My hearing went and soon the room went black. All I could feel was the roughness of the pillow on my neck. Soon all feeling was gone…

I woke up in a field of dead tulips. They were frayed lying on the ground like dead bodies. I stood up and listened to the stale flowers crunch under my feet. I looked around to assess my surroundings only to find the field extending for a good mile in every direction before surrendering at the foot of trees. I headed towards what looked like a break in the trees. It seemed like it took forever. I finally reached it only to find a rock-filled dirt path. As I walked down the pathway, I heard a slight splash in the distance getting closer. There were tall, dark, dismal trees towering over me. They reminded me of the skyscrapers I saw in New York, when my whole family went.

I pushed a branch out of my way. A lake appears before me and all I can see is something floating in the water. I walk down towards the water, almost tripping on the fierce roots basically wrapping around my ankles. I finally trip only to find a shark tooth necklace I gave Soda for his 16th birthday. I look at the bulge floating on the water's surface finally realizing not what it is, but whom. I start balling as I run into the water after getting up. As soon as I reach for Soda's shoulder, he disappears. I stand there, knee-deep in the water crying my eyes out. Not just because of what happened; but because of everything. Mom and Dad were dead, Soda could be, and Darry was in the hospital. Then it came to me, so was I. Although everything here was dead and dark, reality wasn't that great either currently. As I thought about this, a voice came from behind me…

"Don't get to discouraged Pony." Said, of all people, Johnny.

I turned and looked at him. "Leave me alone. Don't talk to me"

"I'm your best friend Pony, your only friend at this point. How does it feel to be alone?" Johnny asked slyly…

Sorry I have to cut it short guys. I've been really busy. I'll have something else up soon. Thanks for reading. Love ya. Xoxo ~Melina


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